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Did anyone see 'Trust Me I'm a Healer?' / Sex
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RMCrookes
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 6:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now you've put me on the spot.

I like to think I'm liberated on a personal note (not repressed) but I'm with Jen in that it's got to be within a faithful relationship where honesty is paramount. We're all bound to be attracted to the subject and will all have our fantasies. I'm also with whoever said that the largest sexual organ is the brain. Without involvement, personal commitment and respect, it's not going to work for me. Sure - the thought of casual sex might be exciting - (although I've never gone there) but I imagine it would become pretty soon a matter for regret.
A couple of my mates have broken up from long term relationships recently and seem to have enjoyed, if you forgive the term, playing the field but it's not what they're really after, I'm sure.

Perhaps I'm wrong but I tend to feel that despite popular opinion, men and women do not differ on this - alot of men don't care to admit it.
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opticalparadox
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 7:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Agree with everything you have said....
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Wendy W
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 9:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like how the threads in this forum stay on topic and don't develop into random conversations about sex.

I'm... weird with the whole issue of sex (I have my reasons) but what Richard says made a lot of sense to me.
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Ian Moore
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 10:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with (almost all of) what Richard says, but I do have a slightly different emphasis these days, largely as a result of the breakdown of my marriage.

What is good about the small discussion here so far is that we are all able to identify what is right 'for us'. Nobody here seems to have any interest in saying what is right for everyone else, unlike religions, governments and society in general.

My personal ideal is also to have sex within the context of a stable and exclusive relationship, much as Richard describes (and despite Jen's ardent belief that I am a rampant love orgiest Wink ). But, and this is where Jen gets her ideas about me from, I foresee a time in human evolution when sex is much freer and more open and less tied to the c-word (I mean committment!). I believe this will come about as we release our hangups about sex. Sex will be a matter of enjoyment, self exploration, self expression, and nothing to do with guilt, shame and promises of eternal exclusivity.

And although I forsee this, I recognise and acknowledge that I myself am not there yet. I'm too insecure at the moment. But I would love to be at a place in my relationship with myself where, if somebody I was attracted to chose to have sex with somebody else, I didn't feel it was a reflection of my own personal worth. That represents freedom to me.
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RMCrookes
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 3:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just a few other personal thoughts....
I'm not sure I share your prediction Ian and have tried to wonder why...

To some extent I think that maybe insecurity and vulnerability are at the heart of it. Maybe the realisation of enjoyment, self exploration, self expression is coccooned within the place where we feel comfortable to strip off the layers of our protection/ personae. There is nowhere else more vulnerable, and being comfortable with another in such a place, is where the joy lies. In going there, we always take on a risk.

Guilt and shame I feel would be much more to the fore given a looser scenario and risks and therefore casualties even higher. Promises of eternal exclusivity, I feel, don't come in to it. We can never know absolutes and would perhaps be foolish to expect them.

..that was probably a right load of old cobblers.

... revealing my vulnerability there by adding a disclaimer Embarassed

Just thought I needed to add
Quote:
if somebody I was attracted to chose to have sex with somebody else, I didn't feel it was a reflection of my own personal worth


..might this not be a reflection of the other persons personal worth rather than your own?
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Ian Moore
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 3:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think imagining a different kind of sexuality to one's own is tantalisingly difficult. We only have direct experience of what turns us on. So thinking about what evolved human sexuality might be like is more of an intellectual exercise for me than something I can actually feel.

As somebody who felt compelled to repress his sexuality as a child guilt and shame are quite deeply embedded in me to the point where they become part of the stimulation. In a way, from my point of view, a sex life devoid of feelings of shame or guilt could seem rather bland. But I know that is just because of my own background.

You mention being insecure and vulnerable. This can be challenging, but it can also be very stimulating, no? Something you would naturally not wish to give up completely, perhaps. So my going on about sexual liberation could sound quite unappealing from that perspective.

So my idea, that in the future people will not feel it necessary to bind themselves into exclusive pairs, is an exercise in logic for me, not something I actually feel much desire for. Logically, I think that 'pairing' will simply be seen as one of the many many options available to a race that has become (hopefully) free of insecurity, but still imaginative enough to have fun.

Love, respect and honesty will be the norm for these hypothetical people, as natural as breathing, whether with one person, two, or twenty, whether with somebody they have known for years or somebody they have just met.

"..might this not be a reflection of the other persons personal worth rather than your own?" - I guess. But I was just thinking about my own desire to have somebody commit exclusively to me. I do have this desire, because it makes me feel safe. Hopefully, people in the future will feel safe anyway.
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RMCrookes
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 4:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes .. very difficult to step outside the box and yes I think the vulnerability is a positive.

You also mention fun - that's very important. It's such a ridiculous thing to do you've got to have a laugh - we shouldn't take it all too seriously.
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Ian Moore
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 4:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Coincidentally, I just found a spam in my junkmail that said: Stay stiff all night, have more fun.

Always someone trying to tell you what to do Confused

Titter yee not ...
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