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Ian Moore
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 5:22 pm    Post subject: Rude Writing Reply with quote

In my on-going fascination with written sex I googled the Bad Sex Awards to see how other people have tackled the challenges. Sometimes you learn more by seeing somebody do something badly Very Happy

Forgive me for posting this, it's very rude, but you don't have to read it. Here's the 'winning' entry from last year, by Tom Wolfe (apparently he didn't turn up to receive his prize and he spitefully denigrated the awards - what a bad sport, eh?) ...

I am Charlotte Simmons by Tom Wolfe (Jonathan Cape)

Hoyt began moving his lips as if he were trying to suck the ice cream off the top of a cone without using his teeth. She tried to make her lips move in sync with his. The next thing she knew, Hoyt had put his hand sort of under her thigh and hoisted her leg up over his thigh. What was she to do? Was this the point she should say, "Stop!"? No, she shouldn't put it that way. It would be much cooler to say, "No, Hoyt," in an even voice, the way you would talk to a dog that insists on begging at the table.
Slither slither slither slither went the tongue, but the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns - oh God, it was not just at the border where the flesh of the breast joins the pectoral sheath of the chest - no, the hand was cupping her entire right - Now! She must say "No, Hoyt" and talk to him like a dog. . .
. . . the fingers went under the elastic of the panties moan moan moan moan moan went Hoyt as he slithered slithered slithered slithered and caress caress caress caress went the fingers until they must be only eighths of inches from the border of her public hair - what's that! - Her panties were so wet down. . . there - the fingers had definitely reached the outer stand of the field of pubic hair and would soon plunge into the wet mess that was waiting right. . . there-there-
(p368-9)

-------------------------------

"otorhinolaryngological caverns!" - how can he write that and not have a sense of humour about it?
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RMCrookes
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 5:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I say....(ahem), lovely weather we're having for the time of year isn't it?

Ps Ian I haven't forgotten your stuff - just been struggling with a Philip Roth novel which I've just given up with as it was so tedious. I need to print yours out as I can't be doing with reading too much on screen and I only read in bed anyway. I told you I was slow.
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opticalparadox
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 12:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think you desperately need a girlfriend....Hmm me too, not a girlfriend, a boyfriend that is.
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Ian Moore
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 11:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hee hee - I find people's reactions to talking about sex more interesting than the sex itself.

We can post as many messages as we like about art or TV or shopping or the weather or anything as we like and nobody will bat an eye. Two or three posts on the squishy subject and you start getting subtle or not so subtle messages from people that you should start taking a look at yourself.

At Destiny Discussion one gentle fellow came right out with it and told me I'm obsessed. I've written endless posts there on the meaning of life and nobody has said I'm obsessed about that (though I am).

I think it's funny.

"I think you desperately need a girlfriend...." - I know you're just being light hearted, Jen, but I think this deserves comment: no - I don't desperately need a girlfriend. In fact I can't remember a time when I've felt so calm and content to just be me Very Happy

And don't worry, Richard - as I always say, even if you only read a little bit, it'll be much appreciated. Don't feel pressured to read it all.
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opticalparadox
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 2:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"In fact, I can't remember a time when I've felt so calm and content to just be me" - Aww, that's great. Glad you are happy in yourself.

Shock tactics eh? I do that myself sometimes, talk about something, partly to see folks reactions. The other day I was chatting to Phil's parents, over a meal and commented that I took the contraceptive pill to keep my pms emotions under control etc, "Not that I am a big whore or anything!" They are used to my quirky ways by now so just laughed.

I once told my grandma that Marilyn Monroe bleached her pubic hair to hide it under her floaty white dress. Again, she laughed. And it seems to be one of my mum's favourite memories of her, how she was no longer so old-fashioned.

The most interesting one is when I mention the word 'wankered' to denote being drunk. Strangers seem rather suprised that someone so politely spoken comes out with such a vulgar term....I don't mind the discussion of sex, unless someone is being rather perverted and derogatory about it. Maybe that is reserved. I don't know whether this explains it but I prefer to view it as making love, being intimate, passionate etc rather than f***ing. I hate that word.
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Ian Moore
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 3:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mmm - yeah, you've taken me by surprise on occasion, Jen Very Happy I don't know, you lull a guy into a false sense of security ...

But anyway, I shall try to be considerate of more delicate sensibilities than my own and keep my perverse ponderings and wonderings to myself.
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opticalparadox
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 3:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't think your ponderings are perverse. Ooh - err....
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Ian Moore
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 3:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You don't! Well in that case I'd better try harder then Very Happy
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Ian Moore
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 1:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think I'd like to apologise for posting the Tom Wolfe extract.

I thought it was funny, that's all, but I'm concerned that because I'm quite enthused at the moment by the concept of talking (and laughing) openly about sex I may forget that most people do find it makes them uncomfortable.

I know you guys here are liberal, open minded bunnies but, all the same, I think I should probably show some more tact, cos it's not my wish to use shock tactics or make people feel uncomfortable in any way whatsoever.

I'm finding that I am a bit of an oddity these days - and that is fine. We all like to revel in certain aspects of our own peculiar brand of oddness, we enjoy our individuality. But this particular peculiarity of mine is something I'm quite new to and I'm not quite used to it. Sometimes I forget it's odd at all Very Happy

So humble apologies all round. You're very patient and tolerant folk and I appreciate you.
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opticalparadox
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 6:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don't worry Ian. I was thinking about downloading some of the sexual fantasy e-books from here >> http://www.sensualreading.com
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RMCrookes
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 7:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No problem to me at all Ian, I think it's funny and I also think it's funny to pretend to be uncomfortable about it. That's how it was in our house if anything slightly risque came on the tele. My Dad would cough and pick up the newspaper and my mum would ask - Anyone want a cup of tea?
How I came to be a raver is a complete mystery to me. Wink
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Ian Moore
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 8:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You're a pair of peaches.

Let me know how you get on with the reading, Jen. I only did a little research for my chapter, but what I did read lead me to the conclusion that good rude writing is hard to come by. The writers often seem to go bonkers with the language they use - I find it fascinating. Writers of non-sexy stuff will call an arm an arm, and an elbow an elbow, without feeling the need to come up with increasingly inventive euphemisms, metaphors or increasingly obscure latin medical terminology (like Mr Wolfe). I guess they just feel wary of repeating themselves. Poor mixed up kids.
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